Piecing yourself together

You hear a lot of commonalities when it comes to your health and wellbeing. And so when you are in a state when you want nothing at all and can only drag yourself to get places it can be overwhelming to try to get yourself in order. All that advice everyone springs on you feels akin to lifting a mountain. I started thinking that maybe healing yourself was a far too ambitious goal, but maybe I could try to take each piece separately and try to bring it all together with time.

But does the fact that you have eggs, flour and milk also mean that you have an omelette? Or maybe there is a certain je ne sais quoi within you that is waiting to be unleashed.

When it comes to getting yourself out of my kind of predicament I think it’s important to create routines to let whatever healthy thing you are trying to do stick with you. Today I watched a TED talk by Jeff Noel where he talks about going the extra mile for customers and how the concept is flawed in that it creates a lot of pressure and makes the task seem impossible to achieve over an extended period of time. So he introduces the idea of going the extra inch — meaning making small changes that benefit the process. FYI the Leadership Challenge book I am reading for work also mentions this. From my personal experience I find that it is easier to start a small new habit rather than try to change your life overnight. I think the latter only happens if you have a serious nervous breakdown or in movies where they can’t give the struggle of creating a new habit a lot of air time because it lacks a certain entertainment element. I am still pretty bad at keeping habits and I need to start begin all over again after any disruption. Again though, you shouldn’t feel too bad when a habit breaks, as long as you are making an honest effort to put it back in place.

Habits help to combine certain separate ingredients for a healthy wellbeing. So let’s talk about these components for a bit.

I think the first thing that needs to be mentioned is getting enough sleep. Our body is this amazing machine that does self repair really well. I am not going to try and sell you on sleep, I will just say that it is important. I try to get 8 hours in or 7 at the least. Recommendations from Doctors vary from 7–9 hours.

Physical Exercise is the second thing on my list. I hate it. I feel like I am wasting precious time that I could have otherwise used for reading or writing. An illusion. I would have spent that time on Instagram. How do I tackle this? The answer is twofold. First I try to incorporate short workout routines into my morning. Pick out a 10 minute workout and with time I might combine two. Second, I do something I like. Unfortunately for me I do not LOVE running or working out, so I opt for morning walks (with my coffee). Yes, it may not be the best case in physical exercise, but it is 100% better than no walks at all. So just because you don’t fit into this mainstream running trend that doesn’t mean you can’t do something else that you actually truly enjoy. Another thing worth noting, I walk in a park/forest which in itself is really good for the psyche. I don’t meditate though I hear that is also really good for you. My mind is not steady enough for that yet, but I can let go in moments when I am walking in the woods and either listening to music or listening to the birds sing. I guess in a way it’s my own version of meditation.

Food and Water. Yes, stating the obvious. I never drink enough water, so whenever I work I try to place a cup of water right beside me, so drinking becomes an effortless activity. With food I am also very far from a role model. When it comes to fast food I try not to buy anything that I don’t plan to eat straight away, so purposefully I choose the small portions. I try to get salads with fresh veggies and greens, but that doesn’t mean that I eat healthy all the time. I don’t do any diets. And if my body is requesting something unhealthy from time to time I just go with it, because I find withholding and then blowing up and sending yourself into a food coma is a lot more stressful for the body in the long run. I also try to eat all the heavy stuff at the beginning of the day. I also try not to eat fruit before bed. Other than that there’s really nothing else that is going on. I make a conscious effort to think about what I eat so when the time comes and I crave a cheeseburger with bacon I don’t feel bad about eating one.

Forming a social circle. Regardless of how introverted you might think you are we cannot live in isolation and you may not feel it but lack of social interactions has a big impact on your mental state. Getting myself to the office helps. But even if you don’t have that opportunity you can still form social connections even if they are very short. I remember on my way to work I used to pass a coffee place with this wonderful young woman that would always smile when she made me coffee. I mean I loved my coffee routine but I also started coming back for that minute of an interaction. Her good mood was contagious and I wanted to be in a mood that would be just as great as hers because I wanted to reciprocate and make sure she was just as happy to see me in the morning as I was to see her. This is probably the moment when skeptics start jumping in saying that this is very creepy behavior on my part. However I think it’s actually quite normal. What I described to you is what this interaction was like in my head. In reality we would smile at each other, exchange some pleasantries and wish each other a good day. But in my mind it just happened to be a moment that I truly appreciated. This brings us to the next component.

Journaling and expressing gratitude. For me these two are combined because as I journal at the end I also write three things I am grateful for. Journaling is one habit I have been able to maintain for years. The effects of it maybe questionable as I never reread what I write, but I will say that I have become more honest and open with myself. I used to be afraid to write down even in a private journal anything that I thought was unworthy behavior or thoughts. Anything that was less than perfect would be avoided. I could never imagine sharing in a journal the fact that I sometimes feel horny, let alone posting it on Medium, but here we are, progress. Being honest with myself in many ways is the reason my healing even began in the first place. It helped passing the denial stage. It’s helping now with the debilitating effects of my perfectionism. Even now in the back of my mind a voice is telling me that I am nothing special and why on earth I continue to post in this blog is a mystery, but then I remind myself that the reason I write is because I enjoy the process. It’s not about getting published or getting recognition. A lot of my posts go completely unread, but I do it because I like the process of writing. And a blog gives me some semblance of accountability and helps form a habit. And this brings us to the next jigsaw piece.

Finding your passion. It is a gigantic struggle. I know I enjoy writing but my struggle is I don’t know what to write about. Searching for your voice is becoming an evermore urgent and important task. And so while I search I thought sharing my thoughts would have to work for now. Searching for your passion is not easy. If you know what that is I must say you are very lucky. I think the most important thing here is to make an effort to let go of any preexisting notions of what your passion might be. I tried standup for example, I am open to the idea of maintaining an Instagram account or doing YouTube videos. I am not saying I will, I am saying that my predisposition to think that I should be writing should not limit me in considering other options. It can be hard to let go of the one dream you had since you were a teen and you can still hold on to it but do not let it blind you to other possibilities. And it is also worth mentioning that I have to make a conscious effort to ignore the biases that come with certain activities like the fact that if you are an Instagram model/influencer than you most likely are not very intellectual which is not at all true, but it’s a thought that comes to mind everytime I see a duck face or a naked ass. Call me old fashioned but thirst traps feel like one of the lower forms of wit.

One trend that I hear when you start forming these habits is that at one point you will start thinking about your skin and showing yourself some love by creating a skincare routine. I am at this stage now where I have researched and made a decision to start a skincare routine. I actually had most of my products delivered today. If you hit a point where you start thinking about that yourself I think it’s safe to say this as a good sign. One other thing I noticed is that when I am in a good place I have a desire to cook. I never bother with anything fancy for myself, but I will be eager to make something for friends or coworkers. To me that is also a nice signal.

All these components will probably not be able to make you whole (for lack of a better word), but even as separate habits they will help. Even if only in providing you with an appearance of order and meaning.

All of these jigsaw pieces however are just the external elements. The hard part begins when you challenge your mindsets and work to form new ones but that is an entirely different story.